The “D Word”

That’s what my daughter used to call “divorce” when she was five.  When her dad and I got divorced.  Interestingly, she was unknowingly reflecting the attitude of our whole society toward divorce.  We treat it is if as it were a bad word.  Kind of like Valdemort from Harry Potter.  The unmentionable.

Depending on how you look at the statistics, the divorce rate in America is somewhere between 40% and 70%.  It is generally considered a bad thing that the divorce rate is where it is.  And America is not even in the top five countries worldwide for the incidence of divorce.

Yes, the divorce rate in America is high.  And I would say that if people were to be honest with themselves and each other and end their marriages when they were really over, the divorce rate would be much higher.  More like 85 to 90 percent.

Think about it.  How many married couples do you personally know that are truly happy in their marriages?  Of those couples that you think are happy, I guarantee you, some are not.  What I know to be true from both personal and professional experience is that no one really knows what goes on in a marriage except the two that are living in it.

So, what is really going on here?  People have been sold a fairy tale.  Like Cinderella, they think they are going to be swept into a whirlwind romance, inherit a castle, and live happily ever after.  But how often does that really happen?  And why are people together in the first place?

We are attracted to our partners for reasons that even we cannot explain sometimes.  And here’s the real magical part: we pick the perfect partner with whom to do our growing and learning.  I’m not saying we’ve picked the wrong person.  I’m saying we’ve picked the right person, and that picking the right person does not equal “happily ever after” in most cases.   We have soul contracts with each other to meet up here on the Earth plane and have a journey together.   The journey may include the birthing of children that we also have a contract with, that have chosen the particular genetic alignment that only we can offer them.  (Yes, we have chosen our parents, and our children.  I know this may be disturbing to many of you.)  And it may also include certain other aspects of experience and growth that the soul desires to create in the current lifetime.

Sometimes that journey is planned by our souls ahead of time to last a lifetime.  The great majority of the time, it is not.

When our contract with another person is over, deep down in our souls we know it.  This can be hard for our egos to come to terms with, especially because we have been fed all of these negative messages about what it means to divorce.

Some of us then choose to stay miserably together for the rest of our lives.  Believe me, no one’s soul chooses lifelong misery.  When this happens, it is pure ego.

Some of us choose to end the marriage, after a long period- like years, maybe decades-  of unhappiness, denial, and rationalization.

And a few of us choose to end the marriage when the contract is over.  I don’t mean the marital contract; I mean the soul contract.

What if we stopped worrying about what other people are going to think?  What if we stopped pretending to be a “happy families” when we’re not?  What if we stopped equating divorce with failure and ruined lives?  What if we started seeing it for what it is? What if we started acknowledging that our souls intended this, if it is so?  What if we even stopped seeing our children as victims, and acknowledged that even their souls choose experiences for their highest good and learning that their egos would never choose?

I think:  we would then get on  to the next round of soul contract, growth, and learning sooner, and  with less (or no) suffering.  We would then ultimately create more joy on the planet.  Our souls would progress much more quickly toward the enlightenment that we seek.  There would be more acceptance, understanding, peace, and parting ways with love rather than with anger and resentment…what do you think?

 

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