What’s so Bad about a Love Affair?

I know there is a lot of judgment out there about people who have affairs.  I’ve even judged myself and others for having them.

And, I’d like us to rethink the whole thing.  I’m not saying that people should have more affairs, or even that they are not “wrong” in the sense that the people involved are out of integrity.

I’m saying let’s take a step back and look more closely at just what a love affair is.  Why are people so drawn to them?  What happens to the two people involved in an affair?

Generally, they fall in love.  You remember, right?  That feeling of walking on air.  That feeling that nothing can get in the way of your happiness.  That feeling that not only is the other person just absolutely amazing and fabulous and wonderful, but you are too?  The chemical cocktail that naturally brings on all those feelings also brings on an almost undeniable desire to have S.E.X., S.E.X. and more S.E.X.  When was the last time you felt that?

And what do you think that is?  It is the feeling of being alive, fully alive.  It is the feeling of lighting up in another person’s presence.  It’s the feeling of love.  It’s the feeling of union with another human being and with God/dess through S.E.X. (which does not necessarily involve sex).

And that feeling of being alive is often lost in the long term relationships and marriages that people are in when they have these affairs.  They get into routines.  They take their partners for granted.  When the brain becomes habituated to the same things over and over, the person experiences less happiness over time.  Research supports this.

In and of themselves, joy and love and bliss and ecstasy and union with the Divine are good things.

What’s not so good is the part about being out of integrity, (but we will address that another time).

What’s also not so good is all the judgment and criticism and making wrong that often comes along with affairs.   Really, it’s okay to cut people (including yourself) some slack- to forgive, to stop the mocking and judging.   It’s the real Godly thing to do.

I invite  you to take a deep breath and make some space in your heart and mind, and see what your thoughts and feelings are about this.  Feel free to share.

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