8/13/13 Was a Big Day!
It was the day I committed to fulfilling my life purpose in the world. It was the day I said my “Sacred Yes”, as my friend and colleague Johanna Lyman calls it.
Sure, I have said it before, not knowing that I really didn’t mean it.
Are you ready for some straight talk?
I have been dragging my feet on this for two years! That was when I began working on this website. And yes, I have been fairly consistent about blogging since then. I even put out some newsletters on and off. And, I have worked with some women and couples doing my real work in the world, all the while keeping my “day job” of therapist/coach down the street from my house in my general private practice.
The thing is, I could and did effectively stay in hiding all the while. None of the above was or is enough to really share my gifts with the world.
You know what’s even more terrifying than committing to doing it? Knowing that I don’t even know exactly what doing it looks like!
I do know that my general message is this: God(dess) is pro-sex. It’s putting the sacred back into sex– or S.E.X., to be more exact! And I plan to start with offering workshops on female ejaculation and polyamory, the two topics that are my passion currently. Other than that, I have no idea.
And, I know that up until now, all I’ve ever done to get to the next stepping stone is to step onto the one right in front of me. So that’s what I plan to continue to do. To trust that God(dess) is leading me in the right direction.
Do you think that I feel ready to take this step? Do you imagine that I am confident in my ability to pull this off? Do you think that I have any idea how I’m going to do it? No, no, and no!
And that’s part of the perfection of it. You see, I have learned that no one can answer an authentic yes to all of these questions at the outset. And the reason that the perfect time for me to start is now, is precisely because my answer to all three questions is no. This requires a huge leap of faith.
Not to mention the fact that much of my fear is related to past life experiences when I was jailed, tortured, raped, and killed, over and over again- for doing the same work I am about to embark on now. My mind knows I am safe now; my body is not so sure. And, I will proceed forward anyway.
Courage is not an absence of fear. Courage is feeling the fear and doing it anyway.
It is time for me to walk my talk. No more stalling. No more creating drama (depression, family crises, etc.) in my life in order to have really good excuses why I just can’t do it now. No more preoccupation with “saving” others who really need my help. No more anger at the “mirrors” in my life, the ones that I feel so angry at when I see they are not living up to their potential. I have not been living up to my potential. The person that I’m really angry at is me….and, I’m willing to forgive myself.
Part of the benefit to you will be to witness the unfolding of my process. To see that you are not the only one who has doubts about your abilities. And that even though a person (me, in this case), is ridiculously scared, miracles can still be created. The only way to break through this fear is to keep doing that which I am afraid to do, over and over.
I commit to doing whatever it takes to get my message out into the world. I commit to taking full responsibility for myself and my life purpose.
Thank you for being witness to my journey…let the ride begin!