To Be or Not to Be…Monogamous

Over the past year or so, I have been seriously looking at the idea that perhaps monogamy is not our natural state. In my life, I have rarely been monogamous, even when I had consciously intended to be. And it seems that the world is filled with such stories. Why are the infidelity rates so high? Is it because we are a people with very little integrity, or perhaps because trying to force ourselves into a monogamous mold is against our true nature?

In the animal kingdom, it seems that monogamy is a very rare thing. For example, scientists long touted the heartwarming fidelity of birds, until DNA testing became available. Now we know, if the eggs in most birds’ nests are tested for genetics, guess what? Several different fathers.

So, what would make us think that we are so different in this way from all the animal species out there? Where did this idea come from? It’s only been in recent centuries that the idea of a monogamous marriage, for example, came into vogue. Marriage came about, by the way, as a way to legalize inheritance of property. The first male would become the legal heir after the father’s death. But even then, it was generally accepted that the husband and wife would be allowed to discreetly have other partners. These days, we all know that the only generally accepted option is that the two be completely monogamous. In fact, most of our religions tell us that is the only “holy” way.

But did God really intend for us to be monogamous? Or, are we here to love more than one? Is our love really that limited, that there is only enough for one other? Do we say the same about our friendships- ‘oh, I already have a friend, I can’t have another’? Well, I propose that it is equally preposterous to suggest that we can only have one loving partner.

What I’m suggesting is that we really look at where this idea of monogamy came from, did it really come from Source, or did it, as many of the concepts in religion, come from man? Don’t forget, man has ego (read: agenda), Source doesn’t.

I’m not saying that it would be easy to change the whole paradigm. I know there is such thing as jealousy. I know there are complications in a polyamorous lifestyle. And I don’t think, as a friend recently suggested, that polyamory (loving more than one) is the easy way out. On the contrary, actually. I think it takes an enormous amount of maturity, spiritual enlightenment, and communication to pull it off. And I would put polyamory in the same category as a lot of other things that take some effort to achieve- challenging, but with so many benefits.

What do you think? Do you think there could be some validity in this way of thinking? How has monogamy or polyamory been working for you?


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