Thank You to My Lovers
Dear Lovers of the Past,
Thank you for the experience that we co-created together. Even those of you with whom I didn't even have sex. You were still my lovers simply because we shared love. Our involvement may have lasted for one hour, one year, or much longer. The length of time is irrelevant to my purposes today. Each one of you "happened" for a reason. Many times I did not realize what it was until afterward. That is okay. Thank you for being my partner in learning and growing. Thank you for all the beautiful kisses, caresses, and lovemaking ...
Word of the Day: Compersion
According to the Urban Dictionary, compersion is defined as "a feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure in another romantic or sexual relationship." Does this sound outrageous or impossible to you? It's not. As you've probably guessed by now, it is usually a term used to describe a feeling that can (and does) occur in some polyamorous relationships. The opposite of compersion is generally agreed to be jealousy.
Ah, the green eyed monster, as it is called. Jealousy, in contrast to compersion, is experienced as an unpleasant emotion rather ...
Wondering….
I'm still on this theme of questioning things. Today I am going to try something new: I am going to wonder, here, about all the assumptions I/we have made about sexuality, sex roles, and relationships. Well, okay, not all of them, there are probably too many to count. Perhaps you would like to read mine and then come up with some of your own. Or, respond to some of mine at the end of this blog. In any case, I hope this inspires some orignal ideas in you!
I wonder why women traditionally wore skirts and dresses and men pants?
I wonder why women started ...
Can we Really Fall Out of Love?
As with most things in life, the answer is complicated. It is no. And, yes. Let me explain.
First of all, I believe we generally think we have the experience of falling in and then falling out of love. But, is that how it truly works? The verb "falling" seems to connotate an experience that is out of our control, as if we are at the effect of something. As in, the other person is so alluring (and later so disgusting) that we fall. It sounds out of our control. And yet, we already know that we create everthing. So, clearly it is not out of our ...
The Truth About Polyamory
The other day I was thinking about polyamory (something I often do), and what I landed on is that many people hold beliefs about polyamory without having much or any knowledge or experience of it. Below, I will name a few of these beliefs, and shed some light on the true nature of polyamory:
1. Polyamory is all about sex. Well, no, it's not. The definition of polyamory is romantic love with more than one person, honestly, with full knowledge and consent by all involved. The emphasis is on love, intimacy, and relationship, not sex. In fact, by some definini...
Fifty Shades of Dysfunction
As I move through the Fifty Shades Trilogy, I am frequently frustrated by the ridiculousness of the arguments that the two main characters, Ana and Christian, have. It's kind of like watching one of those stupid sitcoms, when the characters do the predictable, dysfunctional thing over and over. And then I rememeber, it's only a story. I really don't need to get so worked up about it. ;)
What I have noticed about their arguments, though, it that every time, I believe, (it's hard to keep track, they've already had dozens of them) they are caused by one of two ...
A New Twist on Independence Day
Tomorrow is the 4th of July, aka Independence Day in America. As I was reading a blog about Independence Day, I thought: what if we also treated it as Independence Day for our relationships? A common source of conflicts in intimate relationships is when one partner wants more independence and the other doesn't want him or her to have it.
I know of a couple in which the wife gets angry and resentful when the husband does something that is good and healthy for him, which is work out three times a week. This is not an excessive habit on his part. He's not doing ...
The Good Girl/Bad Girl Split
I know guys, you want it all. As that rapper tune says (I’m paraphrasing)- ‘I want a lady on the streets but a freak in the bed’. Really? Cause according to my sources, you think she doesn’t exist. Maybe that’s one of the reasons you (all of us really, but I’m talking to the guys here today) have so many affairs. You think you can’t have both in one person. Well, you can, but you’ll have to change some of your thinking to get there. It’s kinda like the Virgin Mary/Mary Magdalene split. They called Mary Magdalene a whore. She wasn’t ...
Don’t Give Yourself Away
I have this little plastic heart in my house. My daughter gave it to me years ago. It’s a container. It’s one of those things I’ve kept not because I really wanted a little plastic heart (I’m a big minimalist when it comes to “stuff”), but for sentimental reasons. I’ve had the heart in the love corner of my house according to the principles of feng shui. I figure it can’t hurt. Inside the heart I keep a red piece of paper with a vow on it. It’s not a wedding now, but rather a vow I made to myself not to give my heart away anymore. That ...