I’m All Out Now
As some of you know, I was recently in a production called Opening Pandora's Box: Stories of Truth and Hope. I got on stage and told my "story", as did six other courageous women. Although I have done television shows, radio, nude modeling and even worked as an exotic dancer for eight years, I never really had much "stage fright"....
The Love Lie
I want to address a topic that has been floating around in my head for years. It is this idea that if we "love" someone, then that is it. It means we are to marry that person and then stay- happily ever after- with them for the rest of our lives. And we ask each other about it as if it were some magical thing: "Well, do you love her? Do you love him? " As if that would settle everything.
This idea is fed to us from the time we are toddlers watching Disney movies. We are told it in our churches and synagogues. We hear all sorts of versions of this message in our media. Heck, even our government here in America promotes it- if we are good boys and girls and are married, we will get a tax break. :P...
We Are “Those People”
The other night my partner and I decided to get dressed up and go out to dinner. There was a new restaurant we wanted to check out. We were seated in a lovely area at a table for four, with two seats on a bench and two at chairs across from the bench. At first, I sat in one of the chairs, knowing that my partner (like most men) likes his back against the wall, so he can keep an eye on everything from there. Soon after, I decided to join him on the bench. We will often sit this way when we go out to dinner, so that we can touch and kiss each (not make out) throughout the meal....
What Are We Rewarding?
I think my daughter goes to a "good" high school. By that I mean it is a relatively safe, low-violence place where my experience has been that the majority of administrators and other staff there are engaged and enthusiastic about the work they are doing with our young people. As with many things in life, however, the term "good" is all relative.
I have no doubt that the staff there are well-meaning. And, they are still a product of our society. ...
I’m Baaaack
I've been on "sabbatical" for a while. I haven't had a desire to write. Although, recently, I realized it's not because I truly do not have a desire to write. It's because I was having a competing desire to hide. To hide from being seen in the world. To hide from revealing such personal things to the whole world, while I'm doing amazing work like teaching women's workshops on female ejaculation. And doing individual sessions with women and couples in which I teach and perform G-spot massage which is life-changing for these women....
Naked Cuddling
You know how people have "staples" in their diet? Well, I have recently re-learned the benefits of what I highly, highly recommend as a daily staple in your relationship: naked cuddling.
First, although it may sound self-explanatory, allow me to elaborate on what daily naked cuddling is. It is literally getting fully naked with you partner and then lying down in a comfortable place together. Generally, my primary partner and I do it in bed, although it can be done on a couch, or on a blanket outdoors, or anywhere else you have the inclination and imagination to do it. And then cuddle. You can spoon, lie your head on each others chests, lightly touch or massage each other, or lie side by side...it doesn't matter how you do it, as long as there is skin to skin contact and you both are enjoying it. And I recommend doing this for a minimum of fifteen to twenty minutes at a time....
I Have to Tell You, Part II
For those of you who have been waiting with bated breath :P for part II of my last blog, here it is:
The updates about my primary relationship are the following.
1. No sooner had I mentioned that no one ever "arrives" at any particular place in life, (this time referencing all the progress I'd made with my insecurity and jealousy in this poly relationship) than I had a "relapse". It wasn't as long or intense as the episodes in the past, and it did happen. Not a lot to say about that. In part, I think I created it due to my fear about the other relationship update, below.
2. We are moving in together! Yes, yes, I know, it's exciting, isn't it? Especially considering that I haven't lived with a partner since my divorce, over twelve years ago. (Think I've been a little scared about committing again?!) And, especially since my partner is possibly even more fearful than I am- he, in part because his divorce was less than a year ago. I know, we are brave souls. And, there are many factors that seemed to be pointing us in this direction- so we decided to go with the flow rather than swim against the tide. ...
I Have to Tell You
I know many of you have been reading my blogs from the beginning of my primary relationship, which started over a year ago now, and were privy to every excruciating detail of the struggles I have had. It's my first real polyamorous relationship, and I/we had some issues to work through, such as jealousy, insecurities, transparency, and trust- the big stuff. Now, to be clear, I'm not saying I have "arrived" at a place of total peace and harmony in my relationship, and I am saying that I have made it over a huge hump! (Frankly, I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but there's no such thing as "arriving", in any area of life. As long as we are alive, there will always be more learning, transformation, and growth to be done.)
I haven't blogged about all the developments in our relationship yet, so let me give you the Reader's Digest version here:...
A New Kind of Hangover
Typically, people think of hangovers as the thing that they get after drinking too much alcohol the night before. While of course that is a hangover, I have recently coined another new term. I call it the "monogamy hangover". That is the thing that people get after having too much monogamy. ;)
Okay, I'm kinda kidding about the "too much monogamy" thing. But you know me, I like to bring humor to these topics that so many of us find so serious, like S.E.X. and lifestyle choices!
What I really mean is this: a monogamy hangover is what happens after a person has been raised in a society that almost exclusively endorses monogamy as the "right" way to do relationships. ...
My Boyfriend’s Not a Shmuck…
...and poly doesn't suck.
It has come to my attention that a number of you, after reading my blogs in which I describe all the most painful moments of my primary relationship, have come to the conclusion that- well, basically, that my primary partner is a schmuck. While I don't actually care if anyone thinks that (I have come to the point in my life that as long as I know what's true, nothing else matters), I recently realized that I do care if:
1. My readers start assuming that because my boyfriend appears to be an asshole sometimes, that it is proof that polyamory doesn't work, or...
2. My readers start assuming that I have no credibility because I allow someone to treat me like sh*t, and therefore, why would they want to listen to anything I have to say?...