It’s a Jungle Out There

Some of you know of my recent “experiment”:  going on a dating website, for the first time in my life.  So far, I have been on one date and one almost-date.  I think I’m starting to understand when people say things like “trying to find a needle in a haystack” about dating sites.

The first guy (I’ll call him “Bob”) seemed very like-minded.  We had some hopeful interactions online and via text.  He said he’d decided that “ethically non-monogamous” was the way to go, for him.  I knew there was a chance he was just saying that to get with me, AND I liked him enough to find out.  So I met him at a restaurant.  The guy has good taste in food.  And, he’s really cute.  We had a lively, fun conversation.

And then he told me that he’s still involved with the woman he cheated on his wife with, when he was still married- seven years ago.  Okay, not necessarily a deal-breaker.  Except yes it is, because she’s still married and cheating on HER husband.

Bob seemed to have a hard time understanding why I was no longer interested.  Well, by definition, ethically non-monogamous does involve the “ethical” part. 😛 If she is out of integrity by cheating on her husband, then he is out of integrity by being with her.

And I am most certainly not interested in someone who is out of integrity.  I have no judgment toward either of them.  Hell, I did things like that myself, in the past.  And what I learned is that it makes me feel so much less alive.  So I don’t do it anymore.  Not trying to go backwards, no matter HOW cute Bob was!

On to guy #2.  He was the real deal.  Actually polyamorous.  Had a number of phone conversations.  He was kinky too, so that was a plus.  Seemed to have his shit together.  Good dad.  Set up a date with him without having seen a pic (he had a good explanation as to why he didn’t have one online, and I believe him).  He was so charming online and on the phone that I almost forgot to ask for one.   And, true to his word, he was in good shape.  And I guess some would say “easy on the eyes”, as he described himself.  Except for I wasn’t the least bit attracted to him.  Not my “type”.  Some would say that’s shallow; me- if I’m not very drawn to you, it’s not happening.  And I don’t mean you have to be the best looking guy ever.  I just have to feel that spark of attraction.  And I didn’t.

One guy- attracted physically, NOT attracted in terms of his character.  Other guy- attracted very much to his character and lifestyle choices.  Not attracted physically.

Then, last night I went out with a single friend.  We talked about online dating, met a single guy at the bar, and swapped stories.  I was rejoicing about how I hadn’t received any of the infamous “dick pics” yet…you know what’s coming, right?  Woke up this morning to my first dick pic.  Blocked him.

I’d thought that putting myself out there would change my vibration for the positive.  Like I’d be giving off the vibe that I’m open to meeting someone, and hopeful.  I think it’s starting to work in the opposite direction.

I don’t want to be too hasty, and I’m pretty sure I’ll be deleting that online dating account and going back to doing things the old-fashioned way.

And perhaps surrendering more to what is: I’m single.  There could be worse things.